One of the many beautiful sunsets in the Philippines, Moalboal
If you ever did Media Studies as a GCSE you may remember the 'Theory of Equilibrium'; which are 5 stages that make up the narrative of a film.
Stage 1: Equilibrium - A state of calm and everything seems fairly balanced and manageable.
Stage 2: Disequilibrium - Something effects that balance and creates a disruption in some form.
Stage 3: The characters or audience recognise the effect has happened and how it is affecting them.
Stage 4: They then attempt to amend the problem causing the imbalance.
Stage 5: Either the equilibrium returns to its original order or a new equilibrium sets in...
Thats when the people are either saved, figure out they're actually perfect for each other or that they don't need no man or woman to be happy etc... You get the gist. Anyway, my point is that at this moment in my travels I was at stage 2; disequilibrium.
Weirdly, in hindsight, I can analyse my own travel narrative. I was halfway through my time travelling (although I didn't know it then). I was moving onto country no. 4 of 6. However, as I sat in the airport about to head to this dreamy destination, all I could feel was sadness and anxiety looming heavily on my shoulders. Among a few things troubling me, a big one was a sudden rush of homesickness. I know, ridiculous when I'm living my best life right? Wrong. This is how was I was feeling and what I wrote in that moment:
"For the first time in months; I craved home today. I want the warm embrace of my family, the feeling of safety and to be around what I think is familiarity. Travelling definitely takes its toll on you at times, especially when you're slightly hit by fatigue, stress or strong emotions. I wish sometimes I just knew what I want to do or be in life, but right now I guess I'm a drifter. I do like this new me though; floating through countries, unsure of what will happen next. But, I need to embrace it because I am still fairly young and will not get a chance like this for a while (or ever!)"
It was ok to feel homesick, and completely normal; I had been away from any form of
family home for 9 months. This wasn't a case of leaving home and going travelling like most people do as I had already packed up and moved my whole life abroad 7 months prior, and now was 2 months into travelling solo. I had to take a moment (well I had quite a while to ponder as I was sat in the airport for at least 3 hours, which helped) but, to appreciate where I was and recognise that it was ok. I had also just officially said goodbye to yet another of my homes and places of familiarity. I can't deny that the feelings of sadness and anxiety just went away after I'd acknowledged it though; that's when stage 3 came to play.
This is that part of the movie when everything seems incredibly crazy; someone cheats, a relationship crumbles, bombs are going off, wars are in full swing, the killer is about to make it's move, people are crying/angry/scared... but the characters are aware it's happening now and they're trying to figure out the next move; they just want everything to go back to normal loveliness. This was happening for me (obviously not so dramatically - but it's a nice way to make sense of it).
I'd had such an amazing time so far and it had all just worked for me and I had been with people most of the way. But now, I was very much on my own as I was making my way to the Philippines. I also felt I was doing it more for the idea than for myself. I had never even thought about the Philippines as a destination before, however, the solo-traveller from Malaysia mentioned it and planted the seed in my mind. Plus, once it was there I noticed there were a lot of signs leading me that way. People mentioned it a lot and once they knew I was going they gave me lots of tips, places to visit and things to try out. So, I thought I'd give it a go and just let myself drift that way and see what happened.
I got to Manila and honestly things didn't get a whole lot better. Actually, I started to feel pretty scared. I mean, it didn't help that I sat next to a Filipino woman on the plane who basically said "do not go out at night whilst in Manila, it's dangerous, especially for a girl on her own." Grreeeeeeeeeeeeeat. I was going to arrive in Manila at 2am, on my own, with no idea how I was getting to my hostel and no working phone number... *smiling emoji with sweat going down one side*
Ok, so it may seem a little dramatic now, but I was in a vulnerable state already and I really didn't need any of that situation. BUT, it made me stronger. I got off the plane, stayed in reach of WIFI and ordered a Grab (best thing everrrrrrrrr...) Although, bless the driver, I was tired and I had placed my location a little off from where I actually was; meaning he was pretty late arriving. So, to add to my anxiety, I had to wait outside with all the taxi drivers who kept heckling me. ANYWAY... eventually I got to my hostel (not great due to road noise, no plug by my bed, some very grumpy girls who did not appreciate my 3am entrance and no lockers,) but I had somewhere to rest my head and I could relax slightly...
I'm really not selling the Philippines here am I? Bare with me because it was so worth the long and painful journey to some lovely destinations. Long story short, I eventually made it to Puerto Princesa the following day. This was after a lot of waiting in Manila airport (due to being afraid of going anywhere else!) watching countless episodes of Lost and drinking A LOT of iced coffees. Being in the airport was actually quite nice; I'd got myself a SIM, had a phone full of battery, a comfy-ish seat and I felt safe. It was like I was starring in my own version of The Terminal - step aside Tom Hanks! It's quite funny to think I was in there for about 9 hours but was really quite content about it. I mean, it gave me an excuse to binge-watch Netflix and do nothing else...?!
I made it to Puerto Princesa, on the island of Palawan, at a more amenable time and decided to treat myself to my own room in a hostel. I just needed that feeling of safety and it was fairly cheap... Things were starting to feel better; I had my own space, time to pop to the shops and get my bearings, and to top things off the couple I met through the Trio (in Vietnam) were in the same place! It was amazing to cross paths at this particular time because I really couldn't wait to see friendly faces. We got food, had some beers and filled each other in with what we had done in-between our last encounter. I was also going the way that they had just been; meaning I got a good idea of what to do, what not to do and where to go! Yussss... Thank you for being there guys! You're the best.
The next day I made my way to the next stop on my list... El Nido! Until next time...